Metroid, Other M(olestation)

Samus Aran has always been one of my favorite gaming characters of all time.  She's bad ass, strong, dedicated, selfless...after constantly witnessing the many kidnappings of Princess Peach and other various damsels in peril,  it was nice to see a character like that for a change.  She didn't need a man, or anyone for that matter to come rescue her and save the day.  Nope.  She stood alone and destroyed frickin' planets, saving the galaxy time and time again.  In a lot of ways, she's kind of like the Ellen Ripley of video games....

And now...



An interesting trailer came on the telly the other day, portraying Samus walking through key moments of her past while giving internal monologue...okay, we actually get to know a little bit more about Samus...that's...alright...I guess?  The idea hasn't really bothered me too much...I mean, as long as they make it INTERESTING and meaningful...right?

 .....

Even Ridley is giving us a "Facepalm"

Oh no...no,no,no,no...


After seeing this game for myself and watching the many, many cut scenes, I have regretfully laid eyes on what may be the BIGGEST Bastardization of a character (parody portrayals excluded) that I have ever seen....

So...instead of our silent, strong, bad ass hero that we all know and love...what...oh dear God, WHAT have these developers DONE?!?!?  I'll tell you.  They have apparently decided, 'Oh, Samus was just TOO strong and self-reliant of a character, phsaw, that's pretty lame...so, okay...HOW ABOUT, we make her this frail, moping, whiny, emo, brooding, weakling of a thing that completely lacks confidence and self esteem, and helplessly crumbles at the sight of a monster?  I mean, THAT'S totally what Samus SHOULD be, right??"

T_T....I want to stab someone in the face with a rusty spork.

Oh, it gets worse.  So, apparently Samus apparently has been in love...no, scratch that, OBSESSED with this military fellow named 'Adam', whom she has served (more like assumed the role of his submissive, boot-licking SLAVE) for all of these years, doing anything and everything just cuz she has the hots for him....soooo, am I obligated to accept that this whole frickin' time, that every single mission Samus has embarked on, every noble action taken by Samus to save the universe time and time again has not been because of her selfless heroism, nor for even any bounty...but ONLY to please a fucking MAN??!  And that's not all...in Metroid M, Samus Aran only defends herself from impending doom...when Adam says she can.  I'm serious.  Samus only uses her guns when Adam gives the command to do so...Oh my frickin' GOD!!!...I just...wow...

Look, I'm sorry...I really, really am not trying to sound ultra-feminist, 'men are pigs', blah blah blah...but this portrayal is just downright INSULTING!!  You may as well call her "Bella Swan"...I mean, am I the only one who remembers Samus not giving a flying fuck about 'relationship issues', or being completely dependent on some asshole who tells her what to do?! (The player using the controller doesn't count)...All it was was, 'Go to the planet, kill the Aliens, Get the fuck off the Planet'...and that's all it SHOULD be!!!

 

I will NEVER forgive Team Ninja and the rest of the fuck-up developers for what they have done to Samus Aran.  I daresay the Metroid series might just be FOREVER tarnished by this abomination.  I will *not* accept that this game has any connection to the Metroid series in ANY way.

And if Nintendo EVER wants people to take this game and Samus Aran seriously EVER again, then they had better fuckin' PRAY that no other fan will accept this game's existence either.