Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I'm hoping that SOMEBODY gets this...





But if not, then perhaps it's time I speak of the being that is Rob Liefeld.  Millions of Comic Book fans have thrown punches at him, so why not ME too?

Rob Liefeld was a comic book artist throughout the 90's, and was part of "Image Comics" (Well...the "Dark Age" of Image, anyway)...

His most notable works were that of Youngblood and X-Force...

So...WHY has there been all the bashing and poking fun at Mr. Liefeld...well...

Uh...you know those guys you went to school with who would always sit there and sketch during the middle of class and usually came up with drawings of horrendously anatomically incorrect beefers wielding an uneven broadsword with a gun attached to it? (Basically, Napoleon Dynamite art)

Thaaat's pretty much Rob Liefeld....and he made a CAREER out of doing it.

Oh, it SOUNDS bad, but wait until you see-







.



Ghaa....I....do I even have to say anything...?!?!



Rob Liefeld apparently LOVED to draw on his characters (besides ridiculously huge shoulder pads and horrifically freakish muscle-tone) were Belts, and Belt Holsters/pouches.  Every single character seems to need at least 30 of them, presumably for snackies.  

But what Rob Liefeld apparently DIDN'T enjoy drawing were Hands, Feet, and Eyes...


I mean, if it wasn't obvious in the previous two drawings, then...take a look at this:

I'd like to say that Spiderman had previously had his hands run over by a cement truck in an earlier panel, but sadly, it's just Rob Liefeld's art.

The fact that Cable can even walk, let alone stand with "feet" like that is truly mind-boggling...but whenever Rob had a say in it, every drawing he made, the character's feet would be conveniently hidden or obscured by some object, or person just so he wouldn't have to draw those little nubs....


 Truly you can see the passion in his....eyes....?

But maybe there's more to this....perhaps in the universe that Rob Liefeld's characters live in, maybe the sun is SO bright that everyone's eyes have been burnt out...and perhaps that same sun was so intense that it made the ground impossible to walk on without permanently melting and therefore disfiguring your feet...and perhaps there was an epidemic of over-used steroid hormones used to grow food that made everyone's muscle-tone completely warped, and the only way to combat it was to wear ENORMOUS shoulder pads, and perhaps all of the belts wrapped around everyone's arms and legs is to combat the abnormal muscle growth, and all the hundreds of pouches worn by every character contains emergency injections that will sustain any life-threatening reactions or symptoms caused by the illness....

Or maybe Rob Liefeld was a really, really crappy artist.




Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Cliff Hanger

In 1983, ex-Disney animator Don Bluth released "Dragon's Lair" into arcades across America, stunning audiences with it's use of fluid, colorful animation in place of pixelated sprites, and unique new form of game play, in which rather than being in complete control of the character, you act on instinct and your own reflexes as the story plays out on the screen.
The game became extremely popular, and every kid wanted to give that bad boy a try...
Not long after...that same year, in fact, a long-running Pinball company by the name of Stern Electronics decided to try their own hand at animated interactive gaming with an adventure by the name of "Cliff Hanger"...so how was it that they released this game so quickly in the wake of "Dragon's Lair"?  Why simple...they already had an animated story ready to go...




Hmmm...he looks kind of familiar...almost like...no...



Yes...It is in fact, Lupin the 3rd.
Stern Electronics had somehow obtained permission to use footage from Hayao Miyazaki's first animated film, the 1979 classic entitled "Castle Cagliostro" (and some footage from "Mystery of Mamo").  They basically chopped the footage to include mostly the action sequences, (frequently recycling/looping footage) leaving the rest of the story very crudely edited and put together, replacing the original Japanese dialogue with extremely campy dubbing (not that most dubbing back then wasn't campy)...I mean, seriously, everyone sounds like they are doing an exaggerated parody of themselves in the silliest voices they can come up with...and every once in awhile, the Japanese voices can be heard, for example, Lupin bursts into the Princess's room and says, "Kurarissu!" (Clarissa).

The story is loosely based on that of Castle Cagliostro, in which you play Lup-...I mean..."CLIFF"...a dashing, roguish thief with a heart of gold who's main goal is to rescue a beautiful Princess from having to marry an evil Count...pretty much your typical plot in video games back then.
The one main problem with this game would have to be the game play itself...unlike games such as Dragon's Lair or Space Ace, in which the player is prompted to perform an action by random flashes on the screen, you were pretty much on your own with Cliff Hanger...which means you'd better get used to seeing Lupin/Cliff getting hanged on the "Game Over" screen...a LOT (which comes from the opening footage from "Mystery of Mamo". 


Really, there just isn't anything extraordinary about this game compared to it's predecessors...and audiences found nothing extraordinary either...

While Dragon's Lair was given great reviews and praised for helping against the great Arcade financial crisis of 1983, Cliff Hanger and Stern Electronics weren't so lucky...despite "Cliff Hanger"'s extensive publicity campaign, including appearances int he background of films like "The Goonies" and a few other films/anime shows, by 1985, the "Videogame Depression" had claimed Stern Electronics as another victim.  The company disbanded, leaving only a few to form a short-lived company by the name of Pinstar, who made conversion kits for old Bally and Stern machines.  A sad end to what once was a proud figure in the amusement industry.

Today, "Cliff Hanger" can be played on arcade roms such as MAME, along with Dragon's Lair/Space Ace.  Very few original cabinets, if any at all exist, as most of them were destroyed so the game could be converted for home consoles...but it will always serve as a memory and example that perhaps some things are best left alone, and that cutting corners doesn't always necessarily work.

Here's a link to see the game all the way through: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tQqf8nciH0&feature=related

Friday, August 3, 2012

This is amazing...

VERY well done fan-made video for "Zelda: A Link to the Past". 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37N4GkFRUoI&feature=g-all-bul

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Maddog Williams and the Dungeons of Duridian

Ages and ages ago, (probably around 1996) we got our very first "real" computer as a Christmas Present from a friend of my Father's.  As part of the gift, a CD containing nearly 1000 games were included...(It was a terrible, terrible product, as most of the games turned out to only be Demos, and/or didn't even work in the first place)

Among one of those games was a rather unusual sounding title:


"The Adventures of Maddog Williams".  I admit, I had no idea exactly what to expect...The cover wasn't included in the description, and name alone made my 11 year old mind come up with all kinds of scenarios...mostly involving Mad Dogs.

So I clicked on the game, and this popped up:

I was absolutely stoked.  THIS is MY kind of game.  The scenario is as follows: Long ago, a gentle King named Serak ruled his land with grace and nobility...then, the good King fell under the corruption of a Demonic Being named "Malthazar".  The King, steadily slipping into madness, threw his Kingdom into chaos and terror.  And he very much intended to spread his rule across all of creation, eventually conquering the entire world.  All who rebelled against him were tortured in the most barbaric of ways...until the mighty Thaylor rose to the challenge.  Thaylor succeeded in taking down Serak's armies, and eventually capturing Serak himself.  Instead of executing him, Thaylor instead ordered that he be locked away for the rest of his days, and so it was done.  The people rejoiced, and made Thaylor their new King...and he ruled with the same grace and nobility that had once been the ways of the fallen King.  Soon, Thaylor married and a Princess was born.  Princess Leoria grew into a beautiful young woman, and was beloved by all...

And then, one night, a shadow descended upon the Kingdom once more...Mysteriously, Princess Leoria, the King, and Serak disappeared in one night.  None of the three could be found, and widely whispered rumors began to spread that the followers of Malthazar had arisen once more, intending to bring their fallen King back to power...and without King Thaylor, their plan would surely succeed.

While all this has been happening, the title character, Maddog Williams (who, as it turns out, got the name "Maddog" after participating in a drinking contest that left his face covered in the foam of the Ale and was likened to a "mad dog"), lives a simple life in his small village as the caretaker of an antique shop.  The game begins as Maddog is rudely awakened by one of his clever inventions.  From that moment on, the game is within your control.





Basically, you find yourself getting more and more involved with the events previously explained, and

the goal is to save the missing members of the royal family, and stop Serak from his evil desires by venturing through treacherous caves, endless forests, even flying on the back of a Dragon!  I was delighted to find that this would be a Text-Graphic adventure.  I had already been well acquainted with the "King's Quest" series, and had a great fondness for them.  So you could imagine my excitement when I stumbled upon this new experience



Though the graphics are simple compared to today's standards, I found myself quite taken with the atmosphere.  For it's time, so much detail was put into every screen of this game...you can certainly tell with every aspect of this game, that this was most definitely a game made with love.  Objects that you must obtain are not impossible to find either, but not mind-numbingly obvious either.



The music can be heard in different forms which can be selected after the title screen...one mode presents a simple, but pleasant and rather impressive score for an independent project, and very enjoyable to listen to...the other rendition is...well...just bad....the score is still the same, but the instrumentation...well...it's practically as if some guy came and sat next to you with a megaphone and basically screeched every note as loudly and annoyingly as possible directly into your ear cavity while simultaneously beating you over the head with a shrieking possum.  In other words, make sure you pick the right mode.

The game contains witty dialogue, and even likes to break the 4th wall from time to time, talking directly to the player in a rather humorous fashion, sometimes giving smart-ass remarks to commands you may type in.

The controls are pretty simple, and you are allowed to adjust the speed that Maddog walks in, which can really come in handy when you are trying to carefully walk a narrow path on a high cliff....my ONE complaint about the controls would have to be with the sword-fighting system.  There is a mode that you can go into to practice, but when the actual battle arrives, it's still very clunky and awkward...sometimes Maddog will end up facing the wrong way, but will still end up hitting his opponent, which unintentionally comes off in a rather slapstick-like manner...but it's easily forgivable, as there are very few occasions where you must fight someone to the death using your sword.  The rest of the story's progression relies on your own wit and perceptiveness. 

All in all, it's a very well-made and enjoyable game that really deserves more attention.  If you are into side-scrolling, dungeon-crawling, text-adventuring fun, I DEFINITELY recommend this game.


And the best part?  IT'S FREE!  Gamecrafters generously offered the game in it's entirety to play with absolutely no cost whatsoever.  Just simply head over to the site, and take a look.  I guarantee a fun adventure!!!


You are likely to be eaten by a Grue...

So simple, yet addicting as hell.  I spent hours on this damn game as a kid...no pictures, no CG graphics...just text, and your imagination...MY imagination of the land the character resides in was entirely based on the farm surrounded by a forest that I grew up in...I hate to pull the cliche "why, back in MY day" talk, but I just gotta' say...kids today have NO. CLUE. how easy they have it with video games and their memory cards/saved data, visual assistance, access to online walkthroughs/cheats...THIS was back when you had to draw your own maps as I did with my Dad's computer paper, write down clues and hints and figure it out on your own...and this game showed little mercy in the difficulty department.  It's hard to imagine a text game being "difficult", but if this game wanted to, it would just plain kill you outright.  You encounter enemies and obstacles in the game that WILL kill you purely by chance.  You can type "use sword" or any useful action to defeat the enemy or progress, but it didn't always work.  Several times, I would fight the Troll in the cellar of the house and get killed just because the narrator felt like it...that, and if you got to a certain point and DIDN'T obtain an item beforehand, or perform a certain action on that item, you were completely S.O.L, no second chances, no hints, nothing.  This element of difficulty remained well into the "Graphic Text Adventure" era, and was a common frustration factor in the "King's Quest" series...but I digress.  The farthest *I* ever made it was into the labyrinth, where on every attempt, I either found a key to a dark gate at the center of the maze, never to actually stumble on the gate/get killed by a bandit...OR I would find the gate, but never able to find the gate key. It was literally like the game was teasing me, and then acting all innocent and unaware of it's trickery by constantly saying, "I don't understand the meaning of the word ___". But I knew what it was doing...and I never found my way to the prize, which would have only been gloriously described in text anyhow...but back then, that prize was worth a king's ransom in a child's eyes.  I swear, I can hear that damn floppy disk snickerng at me right now...Fuck you, Zork....yeah, I don't CARE if you "don't understand the meaning of the word "fuck"."

MORTAL WOMBAT!!!

Ohhh my God, do I remember that day...the day that my Brother and I ventured into the Arcade and beheld what was the ending of innocence in my video game childhood. I'm pretty sure the very first Fatality I witnessed was Sub Zero's spine rip. The next day, I went to school, and it seemed like every student was talking about it. And it sure did corrupt us and turn us into violent criminals! Kids everywhere were throwing spears at each others, ripping each others hearts out! Okay, I'm obviously ripping into the mad ramblings of certain crazy, mean, crotchety old man by the name of Jack Thompson.

 
Jack Thompson is the hierarchy of all the ignorant looneys who believes that Video games alone are tools of violence and creates criminals...completely disregarding psychological issues and bad parenting...Nope. Just the Video games are to blame. He's pretty much the modern day physical manifestation of "Mazes and Monsters"...then again, "Mazes and Monsters" IS a FAR OUT game...perhaps I'll delve more into the asininely placed resentment this man holds for video games another time...until then, I'm gonna' go rip someone's head off.

My favorite Movie Heroine

Sigourney Weaver as Ripley in Aliens. Perfect heroine. Not overly butch, or meek and helpless. Beautiful, but not overly sexualized. So often women can't kick ass in films unless they A) Look and act like a man, or B) are wearing next to nothing and end up showing side boob at some point in the film. Both end up being nothing but laughable caricatures of what true female strength can be. Bravo to Ridley Scott for giving us a real female hero!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Hipster Aurora

Sorry...I kind of had to make this one...


I thought perhaps Scorpion would have more success if he extended his invitation a little more politely.

*In her best 'game announcer' voice* YOU. LOSE.

"Tiger PUNCH"?!  Oh COME ON!!!!!!!  You had the PERFECT opportunity to make something hilarious, and you had to go and fucking ruin it!!!!!  *Performs a vengeful 'Tiger Uppercut'*

In the name of Justice and extreme Otakuism!!!



Yaaay for Zelga-chibi-keychain-san!!!!

Zelgaids Greywords

I said it.



Dear Bioware...

I mean, come on!  It's Tim Goddamn Curry!  He HAS to have a villain song in ALL of his roles!!  (Even if he's playing a good guy) I'm positive that it's in his contract...

Farewell, my hero...

 My darker, grittier interpretation of meeting the Princess in "Cadash".  If you haven't noticed already, I kind of like that game a lot.

Did anyone else have one of these growing up? (Mine was Michelangelo)





When I was about 4 years old, we traveled to Las Vegas on a family vacation.  We stayed at the Circus Circus, and ended up playing some carnival games, and my brother and I both won one of these (His was Leo mine was Mikey) I wish I still had it, but it got chewed to pieces by my doggie. =(
So it's come to my attention that  Guillermo del Toro will be making his own version of "Beauty And The Beast"....and judging by his casting history, you KNOW what this means, right??? =P
http://www.minhembio.com/forum/uploads/monthly_06_2008/post-31259-1214425252.jpg


My very first Anime...



http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lox3rdCha61r0pl8ro1_400.jpg
This is one of my absolute EARLIEST memories in my life…it came on T.V. and I was absolutely captivated…I had no idea what “anime” was at the time (God, I was probably 4 or 5?) but I absolutely loved it…it led to me watching imported anime shows like “Grimm’s Fairy Tale Adventure” on Nickelodeon. The most I can remember is something about how Unico is traveling with a little girl, and they are trying to escape the wrath of a tall, dark figure who keeps turning creatures into stone…I remember a particular scene with a Kitty with magical Earphones…and then the sadness I felt when Unico’s little girl-buddy got turned into stone…(It has a happy ending though. ^_^) So yeah…this is the one that started it all for me.